Post with 16 notes
**Before anyone says anything, I have indeed tried Twitter, so I can do the knocking of the thing as the trying did occur. I was on it in early 2008 (roughly January-March, actively) and deleted it in early 2009.
1) I’m way subversive
2) There is really, literally, no one that cares to know everything that you do at the exact time you do it. If someone like that exists, they are called a “stalker” or “Paris Hilton’s New BFF”.
3) If you have such deeply profound thoughts that you need a platform on which to publish them as they come to you, and this occurs >10 times a day, your thoughts aren’t so profound. They probably aren’t funny, either. There are very few people with consistently funny and/or thought-provoking twitter accounts. People that are only occasionally entertaining substantially lower their goodness quotient by tweeting (ugh, tweeting) lots of insipid posts for every good post. You might be thinking, “what to do now? I have so many thoughts and nothing to do with them!” Game plan: suck it up, tell it to a friend, write it in a notebook, or get a fucking Tumblr and social network like a real man (WHATTTUUUUUUP TUMBLR BUDDAAAAYS?)
4) Saying “@DoucheyGrrl5000 yeah lollllll that was so funny” is not interesting to anyone except you and DoucheyGrrl, although it probably isn’t that interesting to her, either. Why are you publishing that to the entire world? You don’t need to pollute the internetz, your reputation, and the collective intelligence of mankind with this type of communication. What you are essentially saying is “LOOK, EVERYBODY!! I HAVE A REAL LIVE FRIEND AND I AM RESPONDING TO SOMETHING THEY SAID TO ME FIRST AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! I AM WANTED AND I AM LOVED!!!!” Wouldn’t it just be easier and more intimate to just call/e-mail/text/wait until you see the person who you are @-ing and share this morsel with them more privately?
5) I know that RT means retweet and I know that I frequently use reblogging as a form of content on my own…blogthing, but when you only have 120 characters or whatever it is, I really don’t understand the necessity of using so many of them to retweet something. Send the person a goddamn e-mail in reference to what they are saying. Do you think that you are clever because you have the ability to spot out someone else’s tweet as being funny or an interesting topic of conversation? You are not.
I would carry on with this, but instead I will close with my take-home points:
Bloomberg rides the subway?
Doesn’t every multi-billionaire?
See, here’s my issue with this. Congratulations, you ride the subway and you’re uber-rich. I would give you more credit for it if 1) New York street traffic wasn’t the most miserable situation in the universe and 2) you ever SHUT THE FUCK UP about it.
You know how they say the act of giving is better felt that announced? When you do something good, it feels better to keep it to yourself instead of shouting it to the world? Perhaps, kind mayor, you should stop staging fucking photo-ops on the downtown 6 because I’d be a lot more impressed by your subway-riding self if you just did it instead of going “LOOK MOMMY I’M RIDING THE SUBWAY OHMAHGAAAAAWD” like every fucking day since you ran for your first term. We get it. You’re rich. You ride the subway. We got it 10 years ago, when you first started yammering about it.
I needed to get that out. Also, I don’t waste aggression on things that don’t matter